Attributes of Allah - The Most Needy

Why did Allah create the universe, the creatures and the human beings? He declares that human beings were created only to worship Him. But He also declares that He is free from need. So He really doesn't need our worship. Then what is the point of creating some universe and making people suffer in it? Does Allah create things for no reason whatsoever? Did He create humans knowing that they would make Him very angry? Why does He beg in Quran asking us to give Him money promising to pay it back in the hereafter? Why does He keep whining like a sorority bitch who just got dumped?

Maybe He is lonely. It gets lonely at the top. He really should get some pussy to cool off. Maybe He is bored and needs something to play with. Angels running around and praising Him. Jinns and humans fighting and frequent bloodshed. It is like a Roman Colosseum, where gladiators bled each other for glory and praise of the spectators. Maybe He is horny and likes to use his super vision to peep on girls taking baths or under the hijab of well covered modest Muslim women. Maybe He is having an inferiority complex and needs everyone else to tell Him how perfect He is. Maybe He needs someone to play with. Maybe He is a bullying little kid testing out His awesome powers!

Why did Allah create things that He never needed? Maybe He actually did need them, but is too proud to admit it being a God and all. After all, He has an image to keep, you know?