Handling Quran

Today I want to talk to you about how to handle Quran. Most of the Muslim brothers will already know that it is not just a book for recitals. This post is to educate people on how not to handle Quran and uses that are not quite suitable for it.

Quran was fuckin' huge when it was originally sent down. Imagine poor Mohamed requiring to carry it. This was why he married and acquired a lot of wives to help him carry this God damn book. People then changed it suite their needs including making it more portable to carry it around.

This man is looking really hard for Allah. Only if he could just believe and use his imagination, Allah would be in his heart in no time.

It was reduced so that brothers could carry it around during protests.

And in Islam people can go to extremes. Even in reducing Quran. Do not use this as a butt plug.

Don't try to flush the Quran down your toilet. All you will accomplish is a blocked toilet and a hefty plumber's fee. Place it in the recycle bin for papers if your really care about trees.

Use of Quran to abuse your child under the guise of a half-assed miracle is definitely uncalled for.

Snorting coke off the Quran won't make you a buddy of the Arabs. They don't want your wine splattered and bacon smeared lips to graze the holy book.

It is not meant for target practice. There is nowhere in Quran where it states target practice as one of the purposes for which Allah revealed Quran. Get some empty beer cans instead.

Bacon does not fry on Quran. Use a proper frying pan for better taste. Fry but don't eat because Quran says that pork is Haram.

Original ninjas from feudal Japan did not use Quran as a shield.

The Quran cannot be swatted like a fly. Find a real fly for better results. People have nothing better to do.

Bitch slapping Quran with your slippers is quite pointless. Go whip your wife as prescribed by Quran.

Shoe racks are where slippers should be laid to rest after a long day walk. But if you really must do so, it is wise to place both your slippers on the Quran rather than one.

Quran does not make a good door mat. Its surface won't help clean the dirt off your shoes and the paper wears off too fast.

Nothing really happens when you bring a beer bottle within close vicinity of Quran. No spontaneous combustion here. The experiment could be repeated with different brands of beer as control.

Fire burns paper. Just remember to completely put out the fire afterward in order to avoid an unnecessary forest fire caused by The Wrath of Allah because you burned His Book.

Which is why you should avoid placing flammable and explosive stuff lying near by Quran. That grenade sure looks like it might blow up any minute.

I fail to see the relevance of Quran to the rest of the stuff in this picture. This sister should know better than to show off Quran in vain. Besides that, I'd totally do her.

Finally, I highly recommend this product. Anything that is capable of cleansing your soul should be capable of cleaning your ass too. And remember Allah, for He provides you with soft toilet paper with lettering made of Vitamin E infused moisturizer for a smoother wipe.