Ramadan Karim by SHEIKH Hamza Karim

Ramadan kareem to everybody - Muslims and "other" Muslims and may be even non-Muslims. I like the way he celebrates Allah's blessings, especially the way he personally stuff her bra with money in the end.

This video is Safe For Work (SFW), Insha Allah.

Maldives, Zakar Nike and Mathematical Equations

Zakar Nike, the Talking Penis, states in his argument (part 1, part 2) with Nazim that "2 + 2 = 4", truly a mathematical feat by any standard. He also repeated the claimed that Maldives is a 100% Muslim country. Here is how the Mathematics works in such situations.

Hypothesis

Maldives is a 100% Muslim country

Axioms

• 2 + 2 = 4
• you are not extra smart
• Zakar Nike is always right
  

Calculations

Let

• P = population of Maldives
• M = number of muslims in Maldives
• K = kuffar (non-muslims) in Maldives
• R = ratio of muslims to the population

By definition

• P = M + K
• R = M / P

Hypothesis says

• R = 1 (100%) ⇔ M = P, P ∈ ℤ⁺

∵ M = P - K
∴ M = P ⇔ K = 0

But somebody publicly announced apostasy
∵ K > 0
∴ M ≠ P ⇒ R ≠ 1

Result

The hypothesis invalidated

How to solve this equation (Islamic Solution)

Make K = 0 ⇒ Kill all Maldivians who are non-muslims.

This solution is so versatile that it can be applied to other problems of the world. In fact, Iran already uses it to prove that there are no gays in Iran.

1. Poverty: kill all poor people
2. Hunger in Africa: kill all hungry Africans
3. Possibility of humans rejecting faith: kill all humans

Conclusion

Maldives is a 100% muslim country. It has got to be. A lot of the Maldivians believe so.

Maldivian Infidel

I am a Maldivian and I am NOT a Muslim

އަހަރެންނަކީ ދިވެއްސެކޭ، އަދި އަހަރެންނަކީ މުސްލިމެއް ނޫނޭ

Dr Allah

In Quran, Surah 26, Verse 80, it says

وَإِذَا مَرِضْتُ فَهُوَ يَشْفِينِ

And when I am sick, then He restores me to health.

So who the bloody hell made me sick in the first place? Oh yeah, that would be Allah too. What kind of a sick game is this Allah trying to play here?

Islamic Sex

By now whoever watched James Cameron's Avatar would have realized that the movie depicts the Amarican aggression towards the middle east in its thirst for oil. The Na'vi represents the Arabs.

What you may have not noticed are the Na'vi sex rituals. They do it with their hair connected. The fundamental Muslims are aware of this. Now you know why Muslim men grow their beards so long. So they can plug it into their wives' hair for pure sexual fulfillment. And Muslim women should cover their hair to avoid fornication with men other than their husbands from connecting to their hair. Especially in Arab countries where men and even women are quite hairy. Thus Allah has told the believers to protect their hair from hell fire.

On the day of judgment, Allah will extend His pubes for the faithful to connect to Him directly. It shall be blissful.

The Mercy of Allah

Looking at these pictures, I am swept with the boundless mercies of Allah.





Think about it. Allah is kind that He has not wished these children to be blown up to bits by a RPG grenade. Allah is merciful not to torment these children with fire. These children are not been eaten up by sharks because Allah's mercy is with them. None of them are been shot at blank range with an AK47. And on the day of judgment, God willing, Allah will give these children a place in Paradise with enough food and virgins to enjoy as they please (but only if they are thankful for Allah's gifts).

And Allah is merciful that He did not burden you and me with such misfortune. So I ask of you why you should ever doubt the mercy of Allah. Allah is most merciful, for them, you and me.

Gum for the Profat

Besides his fame in pedophilia, Profat Muhammad (Piss Be Upon Him) was also known for his sweet tooth.

Handling Quran

Today I want to talk to you about how to handle Quran. Most of the Muslim brothers will already know that it is not just a book for recitals. This post is to educate people on how not to handle Quran and uses that are not quite suitable for it.

Quran was fuckin' huge when it was originally sent down. Imagine poor Mohamed requiring to carry it. This was why he married and acquired a lot of wives to help him carry this God damn book. People then changed it suite their needs including making it more portable to carry it around.

This man is looking really hard for Allah. Only if he could just believe and use his imagination, Allah would be in his heart in no time.

It was reduced so that brothers could carry it around during protests.

And in Islam people can go to extremes. Even in reducing Quran. Do not use this as a butt plug.

Don't try to flush the Quran down your toilet. All you will accomplish is a blocked toilet and a hefty plumber's fee. Place it in the recycle bin for papers if your really care about trees.

Use of Quran to abuse your child under the guise of a half-assed miracle is definitely uncalled for.

Snorting coke off the Quran won't make you a buddy of the Arabs. They don't want your wine splattered and bacon smeared lips to graze the holy book.

It is not meant for target practice. There is nowhere in Quran where it states target practice as one of the purposes for which Allah revealed Quran. Get some empty beer cans instead.

Bacon does not fry on Quran. Use a proper frying pan for better taste. Fry but don't eat because Quran says that pork is Haram.

Original ninjas from feudal Japan did not use Quran as a shield.

The Quran cannot be swatted like a fly. Find a real fly for better results. People have nothing better to do.

Bitch slapping Quran with your slippers is quite pointless. Go whip your wife as prescribed by Quran.

Shoe racks are where slippers should be laid to rest after a long day walk. But if you really must do so, it is wise to place both your slippers on the Quran rather than one.

Quran does not make a good door mat. Its surface won't help clean the dirt off your shoes and the paper wears off too fast.

Nothing really happens when you bring a beer bottle within close vicinity of Quran. No spontaneous combustion here. The experiment could be repeated with different brands of beer as control.

Fire burns paper. Just remember to completely put out the fire afterward in order to avoid an unnecessary forest fire caused by The Wrath of Allah because you burned His Book.

Which is why you should avoid placing flammable and explosive stuff lying near by Quran. That grenade sure looks like it might blow up any minute.

I fail to see the relevance of Quran to the rest of the stuff in this picture. This sister should know better than to show off Quran in vain. Besides that, I'd totally do her.

Finally, I highly recommend this product. Anything that is capable of cleansing your soul should be capable of cleaning your ass too. And remember Allah, for He provides you with soft toilet paper with lettering made of Vitamin E infused moisturizer for a smoother wipe.

Introducing Zakar Nike

Brother Zakar Nike, the founder cum owner cum president of Piss TV, main protagonist of the sitcom Piss Be Upon You and all around holier-than-thou good guy is posed to visit the tiny island nation of Maldives with his whole entourage including family. This medical doctor and self proclaimed but uncertified religious scholar will be telling the womenfolk out there about the place of women in this world and hereafter: skewered on a man's boner that is. Therefore I would like to introduce you ignorant non-believers to this wondarrpull gentleman from India.

Brother Zakar's personal swoosh insigna! It strikes fear into the hearts of unbelievers as it is the symbol of Allah's mighty zakar!


"Nike your Zakar", says the Brother "for it protects your genitals from hell fire." Just do it, or else!


Enjoy a preview of his speeches to come.

Homosexuality

Allah is the Creator. He created humans. He created homosexuality. He created homosexuals amongst humans. He also created hatred. He then hates homosexuals. He is so confused.

Allah is the Teacher. There is nothing like him. But He teaches humans to be just like Him and hate homosexuals. So humans are like Him in hating homosexuals. Allah is so confusing.

My question is, should humans hate Allah if Allah is a homosexual?

Be thankful to Allah

One evening, about a year ago, my friend Hameed sat on his patio, enjoying the pleasant weather and the cool breeze. And he thanked Allah for this blessing.

But over the next couple of days, the weather became hot. It got so hot that he could fry an omelet on his head. The grass on his front yard withered away. He was suffering and called upon Allah for some relief.

Allah, hearing Hameed's prayer, ordered the weather to change. Over the next few days, the weather started to get cooler and soon Hameed saw that it had become pleasant. However, the weather continued to get cooler and eventually the pond in his garden froze. It was so cold that he was pissing ice cubes. This hurt. He again prayed to Allah for relief.

Allah heard Hameed's prayer and was pleased that Hameed chose to pray to Allah instead of relying on some man-made apparatus for managing his home temperature. Allah ordered the weather to become warmer. And so, Hameed saw that the weather had started to become warmer and soon became a pleasant climate. But the weather continued to get hotter and hotter. It became so hot that whenever Hameed masturbated, his cum would vaporize into steam.

Hameed was in so much pain. He prayed to Allah again. Allah got so pissed with this puny human being who keeps bothering Allah with petty weather matters, that Allah took Hameed soul and threw it into Hell.

So my brothers and sisters. Suck on Allah's long cock that extends down to us from Heaven. Be thankful to Allah and for God's sake, stop complaining so much. For Allah is oft-forgiving but usually short tempered.

Mecca Standard Time

Another interview given by Dr. 'Abd Al-Baset Sayyid of Eygptian National Research Center. This guy should get a Nobel Prize in the Scientific Comedy category.



Summary:

Move to adopt Mecca standard time because flights will benefit from 8.5 minutes and your blood will get energised by Mecca's magnetic field.

What is he afraid of? That a plane might hit an angel instead of a building?

Mecca is the center of the Universe

Interview given by Dr. 'Abd Al-Baset Sayyid of Eygptian National Research Center. (Best viewed while going through an acid trip.)



Summary:

Mecca is the center of the Universe. (Give these retarded Arabs even 1 prophet and they think they own the whole world.)

When astronauts took pictures from outer space, they saw that the Earth was a dark, hanging sphere. Neil Armstrong was trying to say that Allah hung it there. (Nobody denies that Allah is well hung! In fact, Allah is the biggest dickhead in the Universe.)

They found that Earth emits radiation. In fact, it emits from Ka'ba and has a shortwave. This radiation is infinite. Conclusion: it connects the Ka'ba on Earth with the Ka'ba in heaven. (Stargate rip-off!)

Mecca is in the magnetic equilibrium zone / zero-magnetism zone, which is why if people travel or live in Mecca, they would live longer and be healthier and is less affected by Earth's gravity. When you circle Ka'ba, you get charged with energy. (We are batteries that can store holy energy from the fountain of youth?)

The black basalt rocks in Mecca are are the oldest rocks on Earth. There are 3 pieces of the "black stone" in British Museum and they are not even form this Solar System. (So why haven't the Muslims declared jihad on the museum yet?)

This is fact. And this is scientific fact. And this has been scientifically proven and published. And this is the truth. (So is Flying Spaghetti Monster.)

LoL. Should I be surprised that British Museum has the mummified tip of Allah's dick there too? Maybe Allah's dick should be mounted on a compass which would then point towards Paradise and lead us to salvation.