ރޯދަ އާއި ސުވާލު 7

Why is Allah bound by emotions such as anger and happiness? Emotions which are also His own creations, and also by which He dispenses His judgments.

ރޯދަ އާއި ސުވާލު 6

Why did Allah bother creating? Is it because being a creator has no meaning without having a creation? Does this mean Allah needs our existence? That is rather pathetic.

ރޯދަ އާއި ސުވާލު 5

Why does Allah claim all the glory of healing people who were made sick by Allah in the first place? Would you get credit for breaking something and then restoring it to a substandard quality of its original existence?

ރޯދަ އާއި ސުވާލު 4

Why does Allah create things that will anger, distress or hurt His feelings? He is supposed to be all-knowing and most wise. And worse, blame it and take it out on the weak and incapable creation!

ރޯދަ އާއި ސުވާލު 3

Who created Allah? Why is it so difficult to understand that if the universe is a creation of Allah, then Allah could be a creation of another being?

ރޯދަ އާއި ސުވާލު 2

Abdul Mutalib, the paternal grandfather of Muhammad was supposedly a pious and just noble who followed the oneness of Allah. So when he got reminded of the sacrifice that he promised to God, what did he do?

A. Pray to Allah for guidance.
B. Take his children to consult the arrows of Hubal.

ރޯދަ އާއި ސުވާލު 1

Why does an all-knowing and all-powerful being who knows and has power to find out the outcomes want to test us?

WE LOVE YOU Muhammad

Salam all pious brothers and second class sisters. A very blessed Ramadan to you all. In accordance with the Seerath, loving the prophet and the way of the Arabs are highly conducive to the proper experience of this holey month where we indulge in extravagant feasting so that we may empathize with the poor and hungry children around the world.

Muhammad W.T.F. (henceforth reference to as Mo) is the most beloved of Allah amongst all the creation. In fact, anybody who listens the Seerath al-Nabawee will hear about it quite so often. Did you know that the whole universe was created for Mo? If Mo was not there, the whole universe would not have been there!

Adam was raised above all creatures because Mo was meant to come out of his balls i.e. amongst his seed! This might also have been a diabolical plan by Allah to suck off Adam's cock on the pretext of getting Mo out of his balls, wallah ya'lam. When Adam opened his eyes, he saw Mo's name written side by side with Allah's name all over the heaven, its gates, on the leaves of Sidrat al-Muntaha and even between the eyes of the angels. It almost sounds like Allah was having posters of Mo all over the universe and fapping to it like a horny college teenager without a date.

We came to this realization: This whole creation, hell and heaven, doomsday and the all that melodrama is in fact the love story of Allah! This whole rivalry with Iblees and humans is the jealousy of an ex-lover! As the drama unfolds, we see the depth of the characters and the cheating nature of the horn dog Allah taking upon new lovers and even creating sex objects out of fire or clay to satisfy his supernatural libido. Perhaps in another post We will highlight Allah's love life, husbands and children, insha allah.

Since Mo and Iblees are dudes, there are 2 very important and different theories that can be derived. Either 1. Allah is female, or 2. Allah is a dude and thus gay. Homosexuality is therefore reserved as a holy pleasure just for Allah.

If the first theory stands true, then the whole meaning of this blog would cease to exist as Allah would be in possession of a cunt rather than a zakar. But should the second theory hold true, then the questions arises whether Mo was sticking his dynamite in Allah's chocolate chute or Mo was being probed in his love hole by Allah's zakar.

OKAY! Enough foreplay. Here are some tributes to Allah's present day lover. WE LOVE YOU Mo!







Ramadan Mubarak to you all.

Ramadan Karim by SHEIKH Hamza Karim

Ramadan kareem to everybody - Muslims and "other" Muslims and may be even non-Muslims. I like the way he celebrates Allah's blessings, especially the way he personally stuff her bra with money in the end.

This video is Safe For Work (SFW), Insha Allah.

Maldives, Zakar Nike and Mathematical Equations

Zakar Nike, the Talking Penis, states in his argument (part 1, part 2) with Nazim that "2 + 2 = 4", truly a mathematical feat by any standard. He also repeated the claimed that Maldives is a 100% Muslim country. Here is how the Mathematics works in such situations.

Hypothesis

Maldives is a 100% Muslim country

Axioms

• 2 + 2 = 4
• you are not extra smart
• Zakar Nike is always right
  

Calculations

Let

• P = population of Maldives
• M = number of muslims in Maldives
• K = kuffar (non-muslims) in Maldives
• R = ratio of muslims to the population

By definition

• P = M + K
• R = M / P

Hypothesis says

• R = 1 (100%) ⇔ M = P, P ∈ ℤ⁺

∵ M = P - K
∴ M = P ⇔ K = 0

But somebody publicly announced apostasy
∵ K > 0
∴ M ≠ P ⇒ R ≠ 1

Result

The hypothesis invalidated

How to solve this equation (Islamic Solution)

Make K = 0 ⇒ Kill all Maldivians who are non-muslims.

This solution is so versatile that it can be applied to other problems of the world. In fact, Iran already uses it to prove that there are no gays in Iran.

1. Poverty: kill all poor people
2. Hunger in Africa: kill all hungry Africans
3. Possibility of humans rejecting faith: kill all humans

Conclusion

Maldives is a 100% muslim country. It has got to be. A lot of the Maldivians believe so.

Maldivian Infidel

I am a Maldivian and I am NOT a Muslim

އަހަރެންނަކީ ދިވެއްސެކޭ، އަދި އަހަރެންނަކީ މުސްލިމެއް ނޫނޭ

Dr Allah

In Quran, Surah 26, Verse 80, it says

وَإِذَا مَرِضْتُ فَهُوَ يَشْفِينِ

And when I am sick, then He restores me to health.

So who the bloody hell made me sick in the first place? Oh yeah, that would be Allah too. What kind of a sick game is this Allah trying to play here?

Islamic Sex

By now whoever watched James Cameron's Avatar would have realized that the movie depicts the Amarican aggression towards the middle east in its thirst for oil. The Na'vi represents the Arabs.

What you may have not noticed are the Na'vi sex rituals. They do it with their hair connected. The fundamental Muslims are aware of this. Now you know why Muslim men grow their beards so long. So they can plug it into their wives' hair for pure sexual fulfillment. And Muslim women should cover their hair to avoid fornication with men other than their husbands from connecting to their hair. Especially in Arab countries where men and even women are quite hairy. Thus Allah has told the believers to protect their hair from hell fire.

On the day of judgment, Allah will extend His pubes for the faithful to connect to Him directly. It shall be blissful.

The Mercy of Allah

Looking at these pictures, I am swept with the boundless mercies of Allah.





Think about it. Allah is kind that He has not wished these children to be blown up to bits by a RPG grenade. Allah is merciful not to torment these children with fire. These children are not been eaten up by sharks because Allah's mercy is with them. None of them are been shot at blank range with an AK47. And on the day of judgment, God willing, Allah will give these children a place in Paradise with enough food and virgins to enjoy as they please (but only if they are thankful for Allah's gifts).

And Allah is merciful that He did not burden you and me with such misfortune. So I ask of you why you should ever doubt the mercy of Allah. Allah is most merciful, for them, you and me.

Gum for the Profat

Besides his fame in pedophilia, Profat Muhammad (Piss Be Upon Him) was also known for his sweet tooth.

Handling Quran

Today I want to talk to you about how to handle Quran. Most of the Muslim brothers will already know that it is not just a book for recitals. This post is to educate people on how not to handle Quran and uses that are not quite suitable for it.

Quran was fuckin' huge when it was originally sent down. Imagine poor Mohamed requiring to carry it. This was why he married and acquired a lot of wives to help him carry this God damn book. People then changed it suite their needs including making it more portable to carry it around.

This man is looking really hard for Allah. Only if he could just believe and use his imagination, Allah would be in his heart in no time.

It was reduced so that brothers could carry it around during protests.

And in Islam people can go to extremes. Even in reducing Quran. Do not use this as a butt plug.

Don't try to flush the Quran down your toilet. All you will accomplish is a blocked toilet and a hefty plumber's fee. Place it in the recycle bin for papers if your really care about trees.

Use of Quran to abuse your child under the guise of a half-assed miracle is definitely uncalled for.

Snorting coke off the Quran won't make you a buddy of the Arabs. They don't want your wine splattered and bacon smeared lips to graze the holy book.

It is not meant for target practice. There is nowhere in Quran where it states target practice as one of the purposes for which Allah revealed Quran. Get some empty beer cans instead.

Bacon does not fry on Quran. Use a proper frying pan for better taste. Fry but don't eat because Quran says that pork is Haram.

Original ninjas from feudal Japan did not use Quran as a shield.

The Quran cannot be swatted like a fly. Find a real fly for better results. People have nothing better to do.

Bitch slapping Quran with your slippers is quite pointless. Go whip your wife as prescribed by Quran.

Shoe racks are where slippers should be laid to rest after a long day walk. But if you really must do so, it is wise to place both your slippers on the Quran rather than one.

Quran does not make a good door mat. Its surface won't help clean the dirt off your shoes and the paper wears off too fast.

Nothing really happens when you bring a beer bottle within close vicinity of Quran. No spontaneous combustion here. The experiment could be repeated with different brands of beer as control.

Fire burns paper. Just remember to completely put out the fire afterward in order to avoid an unnecessary forest fire caused by The Wrath of Allah because you burned His Book.

Which is why you should avoid placing flammable and explosive stuff lying near by Quran. That grenade sure looks like it might blow up any minute.

I fail to see the relevance of Quran to the rest of the stuff in this picture. This sister should know better than to show off Quran in vain. Besides that, I'd totally do her.

Finally, I highly recommend this product. Anything that is capable of cleansing your soul should be capable of cleaning your ass too. And remember Allah, for He provides you with soft toilet paper with lettering made of Vitamin E infused moisturizer for a smoother wipe.

Introducing Zakar Nike

Brother Zakar Nike, the founder cum owner cum president of Piss TV, main protagonist of the sitcom Piss Be Upon You and all around holier-than-thou good guy is posed to visit the tiny island nation of Maldives with his whole entourage including family. This medical doctor and self proclaimed but uncertified religious scholar will be telling the womenfolk out there about the place of women in this world and hereafter: skewered on a man's boner that is. Therefore I would like to introduce you ignorant non-believers to this wondarrpull gentleman from India.

Brother Zakar's personal swoosh insigna! It strikes fear into the hearts of unbelievers as it is the symbol of Allah's mighty zakar!


"Nike your Zakar", says the Brother "for it protects your genitals from hell fire." Just do it, or else!


Enjoy a preview of his speeches to come.

Homosexuality

Allah is the Creator. He created humans. He created homosexuality. He created homosexuals amongst humans. He also created hatred. He then hates homosexuals. He is so confused.

Allah is the Teacher. There is nothing like him. But He teaches humans to be just like Him and hate homosexuals. So humans are like Him in hating homosexuals. Allah is so confusing.

My question is, should humans hate Allah if Allah is a homosexual?

Be thankful to Allah

One evening, about a year ago, my friend Hameed sat on his patio, enjoying the pleasant weather and the cool breeze. And he thanked Allah for this blessing.

But over the next couple of days, the weather became hot. It got so hot that he could fry an omelet on his head. The grass on his front yard withered away. He was suffering and called upon Allah for some relief.

Allah, hearing Hameed's prayer, ordered the weather to change. Over the next few days, the weather started to get cooler and soon Hameed saw that it had become pleasant. However, the weather continued to get cooler and eventually the pond in his garden froze. It was so cold that he was pissing ice cubes. This hurt. He again prayed to Allah for relief.

Allah heard Hameed's prayer and was pleased that Hameed chose to pray to Allah instead of relying on some man-made apparatus for managing his home temperature. Allah ordered the weather to become warmer. And so, Hameed saw that the weather had started to become warmer and soon became a pleasant climate. But the weather continued to get hotter and hotter. It became so hot that whenever Hameed masturbated, his cum would vaporize into steam.

Hameed was in so much pain. He prayed to Allah again. Allah got so pissed with this puny human being who keeps bothering Allah with petty weather matters, that Allah took Hameed soul and threw it into Hell.

So my brothers and sisters. Suck on Allah's long cock that extends down to us from Heaven. Be thankful to Allah and for God's sake, stop complaining so much. For Allah is oft-forgiving but usually short tempered.

Mecca Standard Time

Another interview given by Dr. 'Abd Al-Baset Sayyid of Eygptian National Research Center. This guy should get a Nobel Prize in the Scientific Comedy category.



Summary:

Move to adopt Mecca standard time because flights will benefit from 8.5 minutes and your blood will get energised by Mecca's magnetic field.

What is he afraid of? That a plane might hit an angel instead of a building?