Abdul Mutalib, the paternal grandfather of Muhammad was supposedly a pious and just noble who followed the oneness of Allah. So when he got reminded of the sacrifice that he promised to God, what did he do?
A. Pray to Allah for guidance. B. Take his children to consult the arrows of Hubal.
Salam all pious brothers and second class sisters. A very blessed Ramadan to you all. In accordance with the Seerath, loving the prophet and the way of the Arabs are highly conducive to the proper experience of this holey month where we indulge in extravagant feasting so that we may empathize with the poor and hungry children around the world.
Muhammad W.T.F. (henceforth reference to as Mo) is the most beloved of Allah amongst all the creation. In fact, anybody who listens the Seerath al-Nabawee will hear about it quite so often. Did you know that the whole universe was created for Mo? If Mo was not there, the whole universe would not have been there!
Adam was raised above all creatures because Mo was meant to come out of his balls i.e. amongst his seed! This might also have been a diabolical plan by Allah to suck off Adam's cock on the pretext of getting Mo out of his balls, wallah ya'lam. When Adam opened his eyes, he saw Mo's name written side by side with Allah's name all over the heaven, its gates, on the leaves of Sidrat al-Muntaha and even between the eyes of the angels. It almost sounds like Allah was having posters of Mo all over the universe and fapping to it like a horny college teenager without a date.
We came to this realization: This whole creation, hell and heaven, doomsday and the all that melodrama is in fact the love story of Allah! This whole rivalry with Iblees and humans is the jealousy of an ex-lover! As the drama unfolds, we see the depth of the characters and the cheating nature of the horn dog Allah taking upon new lovers and even creating sex objects out of fire or clay to satisfy his supernatural libido. Perhaps in another post We will highlight Allah's love life, husbands and children, insha allah.
Since Mo and Iblees are dudes, there are 2 very important and different theories that can be derived. Either 1. Allah is female, or 2. Allah is a dude and thus gay. Homosexuality is therefore reserved as a holy pleasure just for Allah.
If the first theory stands true, then the whole meaning of this blog would cease to exist as Allah would be in possession of a cunt rather than a zakar. But should the second theory hold true, then the questions arises whether Mo was sticking his dynamite in Allah's chocolate chute or Mo was being probed in his love hole by Allah's zakar.
OKAY! Enough foreplay. Here are some tributes to Allah's present day lover. WE LOVE YOU Mo!
Ramadan kareem to everybody - Muslims and "other" Muslims and may be even non-Muslims. I like the way he celebrates Allah's blessings, especially the way he personally stuff her bra with money in the end.
Zakar Nike, the Talking Penis, states in his argument (part 1, part 2) with Nazim that "2 + 2 = 4", truly a mathematical feat by any standard. He also repeated the claimed that Maldives is a 100% Muslim country. Here is how the Mathematics works in such situations.
Hypothesis
Maldives is a 100% Muslim country
Axioms
2 + 2 = 4
you are not extra smart
Zakar Nike is always right
Calculations
Let
P = population of Maldives
M = number of muslims in Maldives
K = kuffar (non-muslims) in Maldives
R = ratio of muslims to the population
By definition
P = M + K
R = M / P
Hypothesis says
R = 1 (100%) ⇔ M = P, P ∈ ℤ⁺
∵ M = P - K ∴ M = P ⇔ K = 0
But somebody publicly announced apostasy ∵ K > 0 ∴ M ≠ P ⇒ R ≠ 1
Result
The hypothesis invalidated
How to solve this equation (Islamic Solution)
Make K = 0 ⇒ Kill all Maldivians who are non-muslims.
This solution is so versatile that it can be applied to other problems of the world. In fact, Iran alreadyuses it to prove that there are no gays in Iran.
Poverty: kill all poor people
Hunger in Africa: kill all hungry Africans
Possibility of humans rejecting faith: kill all humans
Conclusion
Maldives is a 100% muslim country. It has got to be. A lot of the Maldivians believe so.
